I'm sorry I loved you
by gracielovesyou
Summary: 'She didn't want to think anymore... She didn't want the pain anymore... The pain was all she had left' Two-shot, MAY BE TRIGGERING. Santana can't take anymore. Brittany won't ever be hers, so she has nothing left to live for. Please review. Dark.
1. I'm sorry I loved you

I'm sorry I loved you.

The music played softly, drifting into the bathroom from her bedroom.

_So this is the end,_

_of you and me._

She sat on the closed lid of the toilet, clutching the paper.

_We had a good run,_

_but now I'm setting you free._

It hurt, it hurt so much more than anything else she has ever felt.

_To do as you want,_

_to do as you please._

She knew what she was to do.

_Without me._

She didn't want her.

_Remember when?_

She remembered so much.

_I was your boat,_

_and you were my sea._

She held the pen in her left hand.

_Together we'd float,_

_so delicately._

She stroked the cool metal in her right hand, metal that shone in the dim light.

_But that was back,_

_when we could talk,_

_about anything._

That was the problem. She didn't talk. Ever.

_'Cos I don't know,_

_who I am. _

She wrote.

_When you're, _

_running circles in my head._

She told of her regrets.

_'Cos I dont know,_

_just who you are._

Her fears.

_When you're,_

_sleeping in someone elses bed._

His.

_Three whole words,_

_and eight letters late._

She wrote her feelings.

_And that would have worked,_

_with me yesterday._

She wrote the memories.

_But we're not the same,_

_I wish that could change._

What she wished for the girls future

_But it can't,_

_so I say your name,_

Brittany.

_and in the same breath._

She wrote it.

_I say something,_

_that I'll grow to regret._

She folded it and placed it behind the taps, the name scrawled on the front.

_So keep your hands on your chest,_

_and sing with me._

She didn't want to think anymore.

_That we don't wanna believe._

She didn't want the pain anymore.

_'Cos I don't know,_

_who I am. _

She didn't want to think of her anymore.

_When you're, _

_running circles in my head._

She took the blade.

_'Cos I dont know,_

_just who you are._

She placed it against her skin.

_When you're,_

_sleeping in someone elses bed._

His.

_So its true what they say,_

_if you love someone,_

_you should set them free. _

'I'm sorry' She whispered.

_Oh its true what they say,_

_went and threw it away._

She did it.

_I don't know who you are..._

_Yeah i dont know who you are..._

It hurt, so she did it some more. On every piece of skin she saw. The pain was all she had left.

_Who you are,_

_'cos i dont know who you are..._

It's her fault she's gone.

_When you sleep with somebody else._

She stared down at the sink, the water tinged pink as a drop of crimson fell into it, but the pain caused by the blade was a dull throb in comparison to the wound in her chest.

_'Cos I dont know who I am,_

_when youre sleeping with him._

She managed to reach for her phone, sending one last message before the blackness enveloped her.

_Well its true what they say went and threw it away._

**~To Britt: I'm sorry I loved you.~**

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A/N, The song is You Me At Six - Fireworks.


	2. It wasn't true

It wasn't true.

She ran. She ran faster than she thought possible. The message etched into her brain.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

She ran. The hard ground tearing the soft flesh of her bare feet as she did. She couldn't believe it. It wasn't true.

It couldn't be.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

She ran. She ran into the house, it was empty and silent apart from soft music drifting down the stairs.

She ran. Up the stairs and into the bedroom. Empty.

The bathroom door was open.

She ran.

She saw _her_. All the air left her body.

She collapsed.

She cried.

She took _her_ body in her own.

She sobbed.

She begged.

She hoped.

It was too late.

She saw the note.

She reached out for it.

She read it.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

She cried harder.

Sobbed.

Broke down.

She even prayed.

She had made a mistake.

It was worse than she thought.

It was her fault.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

She cradled _her_ body.

She heard them.

She stayed still.

She held _her_ close.

She heard the scream.

The tears.

The sirens.

She didn't move.

She didn't let go.

She didn't want to believe it.

She was pulled away by a woman.

She was asked questions.

She answered them numbly.

She asked for _her_.

She wasn't allowed to see _her_.

They said family only.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

She couldn't forget.

What she said.

The blood.

The wounds.

The glassy look in _her_ eyes.

She was gone.

She didn't believe it.

She couldn't believe it.

She couldn't move on.

She was alive, but she didn't live.

In her mind the only thing she saw was _her_.

_Her_ beauty.

_Her_ perfection.

Her past.

Their memories.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

They told her to move on.

They didn't understand why she couldn't.

She was called a freak.

She didn't care.

She was gone.

She got help.

They gave her pills.

Told her to try.

So she did.

She tried.

She really did.

She didn't want to.

She felt that she was betraying _her_.

But she tried.

It was hard.

But she found someone.

Someone that reminded her of _her._

She wasn't _her_ though.

She tried.

She really did.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

But it wasn't _her._

She felt wrong.

Dirty.

She couldn't do it.

She broke it off.

No one could compare.

She looked at the pictures.

Of _her._

Of them.

Of good times.

She looked at herself.

She couldn't handle it.

6 years alone.

She picked up the bottle.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

There were 23 pills.

She had counted them.

She took them.

One.

By.

One.

She thought of _her_.

She thought of the note.

She had taken them all.

She sat on the floor.

She heard _her_.

_Brittany..._

She blinked rapidly.

_Brittany..._

She smiled.

She could feel the darkness.

But she had _her_.

_Brittany..._

She saw _her_ when she closed her eyes.

_She_ was still perfect.

The blood and wounds were gone.

_She_ was still _her._

_She _was still Santana.

**I'm sorry I loved you.**

She asked if _she_ meant it.

_She_ shook her head.

No.

It wasn't true.

She still loved _her_.

And _she_ still loved her.

_She _didn't regret their love.

And nor did she.

6 years alone.

They were together at last.

In each others arms.

Santana and Brittany.

**I'm sorry I loved you. It wasn't true.**

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A/N There you go, aftermath, hope it was ok, please review.


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